Who Survives my *Creativity?*
by Vegeta-shun
Summary: Inspired after someone wrote me a bad review for my other story. So this essentially exaggerates all the bad things they said I do. I find it hilarious. Hope you do too. All the characters act bizarre and out of character. Just to warn you.


**Ok, so usually I find these kinds of stories amusing at best. But I wrote it anyway, and who's even making you read it? I just felt the need to vent. Do me a favor and only review it if you like it. I don't need to read about how much people hate my writing, etc. It's just no fun for me. And as always, I do not own the characters or DBZ, or any of that legal stuff.  
  
  
It's a normal day at Capsule Corp. Vegeta is in the kitchen and has just finished lunch. Everyone else left because watching him eat makes them sick to their stomachs. Suddenly, a short, ugly troll walks into the kitchen and kicks Vegeta in the back of the head.  
  
He turns around, expecting to see Trunks or Bulma or Krillin. He was ready to vaporize the fool, whomever it was. But he sees no one. Then he looks down. He jumps out of his seat at the sight of the ugly creature. "Ugh! Who the hell are you?!" Vegeta forgot the thing had kicked him in the head because he was so shocked that a living thing could be that ugly.  
  
But he remembered when the troll kicked him in the shin.  
  
"Damnit! What's wrong with you? Do you want to die?! Do you know who you're dealing with?!"  
  
The troll nails Vegeta in between the legs, and Vegeta doubles over and falls to the floor. From between clenched teeth, he hisses, "You have about 30 seconds before I kill you. I suggest you run."  
  
Then, a beautiful girl walks in the kitchen and sees Vegeta doubled over on the floor holding his crotch. She laughs. She laughs so hard she falls over to the ground. By the time she regains control of herself, Vegeta is standing up and ready to kill the next thing that breathes too loudly. She ignores him entirely.  
  
"So here's where you ran off to, little troll. I'm so glad I found you."  
  
Vegeta, "This thing is yours?!"  
  
"Yeah. Cute, isn't it? Hey, and speaking of cute, you're not too bad looking yourself. Wanna take a roll in the hay?"  
  
Vegeta contemplates this for all of two seconds, "Yeah, sure." And he starts walking up the stairs.  
  
Then Mirai Trunks runs in, frantic, "Father, NO! I'll save you!" Trunks unsheathes his sword and cuts the poor little troll in half. The girl is unfazed. She stands there watching green pools of blood form around it. Vegeta looks like he's going to be sick.   
  
Trunks wipes the green blood off his sword and sheaths it, "Now that my completely senseless act of violence has been committed, I'll just ... heeeeeey, who's this fine lookin' chick?" Trunks eyes the girl, up and down.  
  
"I saw her first, Trunks!"  
  
"Ha! You were just nailed in the groin. Let's see an old man get it up after that!"  
  
"It takes more than that to stop a Supersaiyan ... and hey! I'm not old!"  
  
"Whatever. You're already going bald. What this girl wants is a young, virile stallion."  
  
(I can't believe I just made Trunks say 'stallion'!)  
  
Vegeta, "I can't believe you just said 'stallion'!"  
  
"I can't believe you think this chick would sleep with you!"  
  
"Well she sure as hell doesn't want you!"  
  
Girl, "You're wrong. I want you both. How about a little ménage-a-trois?"  
  
Trunks, "Hey sure, so long as I get some."  
  
"I'm your father, you sick bastard!"  
  
Trunks, "We hardly know each other."  
  
"No way. Forget it."  
  
"All right, it's just you and me, babe." As Trunks sweeps her off her feet, literally.  
  
"Take me here. Right now."  
  
"Ok, I'm not shy." So Trunks has his way with the girl on the kitchen table right in front of Vegeta and the dead troll (yes, the dead troll is still there). Trunks is done and gets up, zipping his pants.  
  
The girl sits up and says, "Congratulations. You just made the top of my list."  
  
Proudly, "Oh really? List of what?"  
  
"Of the worst I've ever had."  
  
Vegeta openly laughs at his son. Trunks is crushed, so he kills the girl and throws her body next to the troll. Vegeta stops laughing, and punches Trunks in the face.  
  
"What did you kill her for? She was hot."  
  
"You never could have had her, old man."  
  
"I'M NOT OLD!"  
  
At this time, the bodies on the floor start glowing. A strange fog rises from the corpses, covering them in a blanket of blue. Trunks and Vegeta stare and as the fog clears, they see the outline of a person standing before them. And dramatic music starts playing in the background.   
  
Vegeta blasts the stereo to hell. The music stops.  
  
A cold breeze rushes through the house and blows the rest of the fog away.   
  
Vegeta, "Who the hell left this window open? The heat bill is going to be through the roof! Money doesn't grow on trees. Hmmm, I wonder if Bulma could invent trees that grow money. Bananas grow on trees. Monkeys eat bananas. I want a monkey. I sorta am a monkey. Funny monkey. Am I talking aloud? Oops." And he closes the window.  
  
Trunks stares at Vegeta with a 'I can't believe you're related to me' look. They have both forgotten the blue fog and the figure that was standing in it. The figure clears its throat to refocus their attention.  
  
Vegeta and Trunks scream like girls and hide under the table when they see what is standing before them.  
  
It is the (adult) Goku. But he is 6 inches tall. And he has his tail again.  
  
Vegeta cries out, "Monkey!" And proceeds in chasing Mini-Goku all around the kitchen. He finally catches it and proceeds in holding it and petting it.   
  
Mini-Goku tries to yell at Vegeta but really can't, since he has mini-vocal cords. All the words come out in a high-pitched squeak, which does not bother Vegeta, but has reduced Trunks to a giggling mess on the floor. However, the squeaking soon begins to irritate Trunks and he demands Vegeta to let go of the Mini-Goku.  
  
Vegeta sneers, "You cannot tell the Prince of Saiyans what to do! I take orders from no one!"  
  
Gohan falls down the chimney and says, "Ho ho ho. I'm Sandy. No wait, I'm not a girl. I just cry like one. I'm Gohan and I could kill you all. I meant Santa Claus." He sees Vegeta squeezing the pint-sized version of his father. "Let my daddy go!"  
  
Vegeta gets defensive, "This isn't your father, you nitwit."  
  
Gohan gets so angry he becomes SSJ2. "LET GO OF HIM!"  
  
"Ok." And Vegeta drops Mini-Goku on his head. He dies. Gohan sobs uncontrollably. Trunks kills Gohan. Then he kills Vegeta for the hell of it.  
  
He brushes himself off, "They were annoying me anyway." Suddenly, the remains of Mini-Goku, Gohan, and Vegeta produce a blue fog and a figure rises out of it. Trunks stares in disbelief. "WHY CAN'T ANYONE JUST DIE?!"   
  
He screams in frustration and flies out the window before seeing what hideous (or hilarious) thing would emerge from the fog. He sends an energy blast into Capsule Corp and levels the entire structure. Sensing no ki, he flies away in search of hot girls, beer, and probably more hot girls.  
  
But did Trunks really kill the creature?  
  
Yes. I'm the author, and I say he did.  
  
  
**Thanks for reading. That was really amusing, to me anyway. Maybe it's because I wrote most of this at 5 in the morning. I'm now the author of 2 stories and maybe, some day, I'll post the rest of my first one. Ha!  



End file.
